Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What now?

I don't like today. It makes me sick. I'm going to lose.
I'm tired. It appears I'm angry. Scared and distracted are other good words too.
Can God really love someone like me? WILL He really love ME?!
My focus is off and blurry. I really just want to hide away for awhile. Another vacation might be nice. Or maybe sleep a couple days straight. I don't know.
I'm not sure what I need. I was doing good/better for awhile but I'm sinking again.
I just need to sit and chill and hang on and get ready for whatever is to come. I guess there are what seems like so many things up in the air and the fear of the unknown puts me on edge. A big reason for all the distractions and chaos that I feel. I need my focus back. I need my control back. I need to figure out how to live the love I know is inside me. I have to push through the black soot that has accumulated and find the tenderness under it. I know it's there. I feel it. It's just lost under tons of that nasty soot.
God help me. Jesus help me.

No comments:

Post a Comment