The Ending Has Come

Philippains 3:7-9

⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ ⁹ and become one with him.

My nervous jitters were appropriate. I am not progressing well so I am out of work another 8 weeks. The treatment that I have been having is not working well. I ended up seeing the doctor, getting an MRI and more x-rays. I wasn't expecting anything but seeing the doctor. The new recommended treatment isn't very exciting but if it will work for me and help my pain then I am willing to try. It involves tiny needles inserted into my neck to locate and numb the nerves that are giving me trouble. Once the nerves are located and numbed, they will then be cooked (destroyed) so the pain goes away. Once the pain is gone, I will be able to strengthen the muscles that are locked up in my neck. Then when the nerves grows back, between 1 and 3 years, the pain should not come back because the muscle will be strong enough to not let the bones pinch the nerves.

I'm not very excited about the needles, although it is a very interesting process. It pretty much makes me cringe like no other to think about it. I guess I'm ready to get it started though and get it done so I can feel better.

One of the good parts about not being able to work is that I'm going to start back to school. I'm going to register next monday for a minimester to finish out this semester and get another class down. I take the placement test Monday also. I hope I place out of math because I really don't want to take a math class. It wouldn't hurt because I like math, but I just don't want to take one. So hopefully my scores will be well enough to test out of several classes. That's my goal anyway!

I'm glad that I have the Great Provider on my side. Even though I've been out of work for over a month already, all my bills have been paid, there has always been gas in my car to get me where I need to go, I've never been hungry without having something to eat. All my NEEDS have been met and I'm more than thankful. I am truly blessed. I will continue to give Him all my thanks and praise. I'm looking forward to seeing what else He is going to do that is more than wonderful in my life because He is good.

Terrible nervous jitters about seeing the doctor today

Today sucks. It just does. This whole accountability thing bites. I mean, it's nice to have people who have your back, but some days you just want to do what you want to do.

Gah!!!

Well that was fun huh? I believe I've said it before. Keep your hands to yourself or you're gone. Yeah. Deal with it. 'Cause it's done. Byebye

Lavishly our lives are wasted
Humbleness is left untasted
You can't live your life to please yourself, yeah
That's a tip from my mistakes
Exactly what it doesn't take
To win you've got to come in last place
To live your life you've got to lose it
And all the losers get a crown

CHORUS:
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down

All I need's another day
Where I can't seem to get away
From the many things that drag me down
I'm sure you've had a day like me
Where nothing seems to set you free
From the burdens you can't carry all alone
In your weakness He is stronger
In your darkness He shines through
When you're crying He's your comfort
When you're all alone He's carrying you

CHORUS:
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down

This valley is so deep
I can barely see the sun
I cry out for mercy, Lord
You lift me up again

CHORUS:
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down

Audio Adrenaline - I Get Down

Bygones and so on and so on

When will this ever end
I thought that you forgave me then
So why do we argue so, I want to know
Yes ma'am, we both made some mistakes
That caused our hearts to break
But we must learn to forgive and love again

There are some things I wish that I could change, oh yes I do
But if we’re going to move forward let bygones be bygones, so long
I don’t want to talk about it, let bygones be bygones, so long
I don’t want to talk about it, let bygones be bygones

Bygones, oh yeah

Now I will be the first to say
Sorry for treating you that way
But that was so long ago you gotta let it go
There are some things I wish that I could change, oh yes I do
But if we’re going to move forward let bygones be bygones, so long,
I don’t want to talk about it let bygones be bygones, so long
I don’t want to talk about it let bygones be bygones

We should be living for today
Can’t let our past get in our way
Let bygones be bygones, so long
I don’t want to talk about it let bygones be bygones, bygones, so long
I don’t want to talk about it let bygones be bygones
I don’t want to talk about it let bygones be bygones

Can’t you hear me say, bye, bye, bye
I don’t want to talk about it let bygones be bygones, so long

The walls between
You and I

Always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

The space between
Our calm and rage
started growing shorter , disappearing slowly day after day

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe
That time heals all wounds
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

What was I waiting for
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad
What were you waiting for
This could have been the best we ever had


I'm just getting older
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to
I wish it didn't hurt like this
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

I really don't know what to do at this point. When a 25 minute conversation puts me to tears simply because of the stress...what now? There was no bitterness, no anger, nor did there seem to be any resentment. The older I get, will I get over it?

I don't know

I've had 2 guys tell me they wish they were here at the beach with me. What the heck?! How does this happen to me!?!?!

I'm missing my friends like crazy! I know I'm at the beach on vacation but I wish they could have come with me or something. I'm ready to go back home already because I miss them so much! It's great to have all these people that I have become so close to. I never thought I would have a bunch of really tight friends like this. I love them and I'm ready to have some good friend time when I get back!

Sunnyshinnin'

What a beautiful day and a wonderful week!

The best part about being at a beach and a pool where no one knows you is that you can where a bikini when your body isn't quite ready for a bikini and not care near as much because no one knows you :) I'm lovin' that part. My stomach hasn't had sun on it in quite awhile.

I also think that when I get back to physical therapy next week I'm going to ask if there's any way I can do some water therapy for my back. I have been able to swim with very little pain and this is the most activity I've been able to do in a month.

The point of my therapy is to strengthen the muscles under my abs. I know I can do that with swimming. No wonder swimmers have awesome stomachs!

Well, the kids just woke up from their nap so it's time to get back outside. Yippie :)

Climbing Gear

I have heard many times that as a follower of Christ you will experience many of the highest mountain tops as well as the bottom of the lowest valleys. I've seen this pattern throughout the years that I have claimed Jesus as Lord of my life. I've noticed recently that every time I feel I have made the climb to the top of the mountain, I only stay there maybe a day or two. Then I only see the top of the mountain as I lay flat on my back from tumbling down the other side of the mountain I have just conquered only to face the next mountain climb that begins across the valley I must first walk through.

Typically it's hard to see the top of the mountain when you're down in the current valley. There tends to be a fog at some point and it's hard to see the sun/son shining through the clouds. Here and there you catch a glimpse and remember that once you've made the climb you know that the light from the sun/son is going to shine so brightly on your face and all you will have to do is sit there in its presence and embrace it.

I feel I have been at the top of the mountain for the past few days. I was even thinking that very thing today. So yeah, it happened, here I am scratched and bruised from the tumble. This valley doesn't appear to be a very low one but I know that if I don't keep my eyes focusing upward, I will realize that I am near the edge of a cliff that caught me on the way down and there is further to fall if I don't keep my feet planted and bust my butt getting back to the top.

I believe the climb is worth it. I believe it is worth my time, energy and efforts.

I want to give back the love He gave to me first. I have felt so in love the past few weeks with the man who created me. He loves me so much. He holds me. He dries my tears off my cheeks. He comforts me. He provides for me. I know I need to get my climbing gear on and not let Him down. Lovers don't intend to let each other down. That's what He is. He's the lover above all others.

I see his hand reaching down to help me up. Will I reach to grab His? Or will I make Him come all the way down to where I am to help me up? I need to reach up. I need to look up and look in His eyes. Oh the comfort that comes from looking in your lovers eyes.

Jesus please give me the right tools and the strength to climb

Please

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Sanctus Real ~ Lead Me

With love

Is "no" really that hard to understand?

There must be some weird translation that happens to my words in the air just outside my mouth. For some reason when I say "no" it's missed or something. Why can't "no" be "no" and left at that? Is it really that hard? Or even when I say it several times...how is it still not heard?! Maybe it's just a guy thing. Maybe guys hear my "no" as more of a "lay it on me". I just don't get it. It makes me sick and I'm so tired of that continuing to happen to me. If I say "no", I freakin mean it!! That's why I said it to begin with!! If my "no" can't be respected, put your hands in your pockets and walk away from me and don't plan on coming back. I'm going to give respect. I would like that in return. Thank you.

Lift your praises

The freedom to worship DID continue! There is nothing like getting past your fears of praising God among other believers. I mean, how funny is that? For real?! "Too afraid to give the Almighty the praise He deserves while you're with others that are there for the same purpose."

There's nothing like closing your eyes and singing songs of praise to Him while lifting your hands straight up to Him. It's a feeling of total surrender and trust. He's been reaching down His hand the whole time to hold ours, but we've been neglecting to raise our hands to meet His. How ignorant can we be?

The last time I felt free to raise my hands in surrender and in praise was while laying face down on the floor in my living room, sobbing and pouring out my heart to Christ. He loves that!

You are righteous
You love justice
And those who honour You
Will see your face

I will arise and lift my eyes to see
Your majesty
Your holiness
And all I am will bless you

My hope is in the Name of the Lord
Where my help comes from
You're my strength, my song
My trust is in the Name of the Lord
I will sing your praise
You are faithful

MY HOPE ~ HILLSONG

The next time we have the chance to life our hands in praise, let's do it. I hope I can keep the courage to give Him the praise He is worthy of and not back out for fear of what other believers will think of me. How ridiculous. I'm not even there for them. I am there for Him.

He IS my hope. He IS my strength. Without Him I have absolutely nothing. I'm learning to trust Him more with each new day.

A recent post that I read says "Maybe God hasn't done for us yet because we don't trust Him yet". This has helped me tremendously this weekend. It's made me ask myself time and time again "Candice, are you SURE you trust Him? Do you REALLY believe He will provide? Then you need to prove it and just DO IT." I'm learning to let go of myself more and more. I'm not totally there yet, but I still strive for it. Just with trusting Him through this weekend, I have seen Him provide specifically for one of my needs.

I believe I'm definitely at the place where faith and fear collide~trust

I hope the freedom to worship continues

Gotta love it

So far it's been an amazing weekend. I got some much needed stress relief last night. I got to spend some time with some of my favorite cousins! Daniel is home for the weekend so I spent the evening with him and his brother and sisters and 3 of our cousins and a few of their friends. I got to spend the night which was really nice. Then I got to spend over half of today with my wonderful friends. I honestly believe I have one of the best group of friends that's out there. None of them are perfect, but they all stick together. I have no problem looking past their flaws, especially knowing how big my flaws are. They may not know every detail of my life, and probably never will, and that's okay because I don't know theirs either, but they stick by me and I stick by them. That's how it should be. The best of friends stick by you in the sunshine as well as the pouring down rain. I love these wonderful people and I'm happy to have them in my life, from the youngest to the oldest, they are all wonderful.

Today is the day of the fatal miss

Yeah go ahead and ask

Locks of Love

I've been told by many people that they love my hair and many people have also told me they are jealous of it. So i want to be able to give it to someone else. This "Locks of Love" makes wigs for kids who have lost their hair due to a disease or chemotherapy. I think it would be an awesome way to help someone. It will just take a little time to grow it out long enough for what they need. I'm excited about it though. Maybe a simple donation of something I've been blessed with can change someones life, or their outlook on their life. Maybe to help them be more confident in their appearance. Hmmm...I think it would be nice for Makenna to do too. Her hair is gorgeous! Someone can benefit from both of us!!! I've been thinking about this for awhile and I'm just excited about it!

http://charityguide.org/volunteer/fifteen/locks-of-love.htm