Hero

I'm just a step away
I'm just a breath away
Losin' my faith today
(Fallin' off the edge today)
I am just a man
Not superhuman
(I'm not superhuman)
Someone save me from the hate

It's just another war
Just another family torn
(Falling from my faith today)
Just a step from the edge
Just another day in the world we live

[Chorus:]
I need a hero to save me now
I need a hero (save me now)
I need a hero to save my life
A hero'll save me (just in time)

I've gotta fight today
To live another day
Speakin' my mind today
(My voice will be heard today)
I've gotta make a stand
But I am just a man
(I'm not superhuman)
My voice will be heard today

It's just another war
Just another family torn
(My voice will be heard today)
It's just another kill
The countdown begins to destroy ourselves

[Chorus]
I need a hero to save my life
I need a hero just in time
Save me just in time
Save me just in time

Who's gonna fight for what's right
Who's gonna help us survive
We're in the fight of our lives
(And we're not ready to die)
Who's gonna fight for the weak
Who's gonna make 'em believe
I've got a hero (I've got a hero)
Livin' in me
I'm gonna fight for what's right
Today I'm speaking my mind
And if it kills me tonight
(I will be ready to die)
A hero's not afraid to give his life
A hero's gonna save me just in time

[Chorus]
I need a hero
Who's gonna fight for what's right
Who's gonna help us survive
I need a hero
Who's gonna fight for the weak
Who's gonna make 'em believe
I need a hero
I need a hero
A hero's gonna save me just in time

It's Near

Freedom is so near I can almost taste it. I'm so excited!
It's like making brownies. You know that you have to mix them and pour them and bake them and even wait for them to cool a bit before indulging yourself in some wonderful chocolatey goodness but you also know it's well worth the wait because it's going to be so good.
That's on the smallest scale of goodness I can think of when I think about the freedom that is coming to me. I can't even imagine the things I have to look forward to. I know it won't all be good but I will be free at the end and that's what matters. There's no way I can possibly express how excited I am. Now that I'm going through with this I can begin to relax and know there's hope and begin to see the light at the end.
Can I say it again?
I'M SO EXCITED I WILL BE FREE SOON!!!!
Every aspect of it excites me. I can't wait.
Again I owe it to the one that has shown me I'm worth it. Thanks again love!

Sunshine and Smiles

Change is on the menu.
It's about time huh?
Yes, I agree.
Sometimes I have to reach my breaking point and I know I'm there. I've felt like I was there before but I know there is no turning back now. I hate how things have come about but I am stubborn and have little follow through sometimes due to fear. I know I've been scared of leaving but I am now to the point that I am more afraid of staying. It's more clear now than ever. Temperaments can change but people don't. It's evident with whoever you look at. My temperament changes drastically depending on who I'm surrounded by but I am still Candice through and through.
I choose life. I choose peace. I choose safety. I choose health. I choose sunshine and smiles. That's what I need and that's what I've been told I deserve.
This will not be easy, nor relaxing, nor comfortable. But the ones who love me will help me persevere to make it through this and find the life I should have already found.
Thank you to those you have helped me see truth and see light in all this.
I wouldn't have even begun to start to care about myself without the initial love and care of my dearest. That's where it begins and that's where it continues. Thank you love.

What is purity?
Is there a simple answer?
Yes? No? Maybe?

I know Christ lived a life of purity. I know He was as much God as He was man and as much man as He was God. My mind cannot comprehend that at all. How can one be tempted with EVERYTHING that we are tempted with yet never even allow his thoughts to go where they are not suppose to go? This baffles me. Not even a small portion of it makes sense.
Why would we be told to strive to live as Christ even though we know that we will fail everyday? Doesn't this make you as frustrated as it makes me? I know that people are capable of making the right decisions. However, we are prone to making the wrong decisions. It's our nature. We can't escape it.
Perhaps the most inconcievable trait of God is that He has done all He has done for us KNOWING we are going to mess things up and CONTINUES to be there for us and love us and help us. I don't get it. I can't.
Some people will take full advantage of this and say that if God is going to forgive them, they can go ahead and mess up because God's grace is more than amazing. Then there are others who are fearful of even breathing wrong because they are afraid of His wrath.
I've gotten off track so now back to the original question. "What is purity?" I think this is one of those questions that is going to smack me in the face if I try to go further in depth with it at this point. It's just something I was thinking about though. I guess the main point of my thoughts is that God truly is wonderful and amazing. He's stuck with me closer than anyone ever has. He's allowed me to learn lessons the hard way but that's all because of our free will and being allowed to make decisions for myself. I wish I wasn't allowed to make decisions for myself sometimes because it would make the world a better place. Haha.
So I guess in other words...I'm so clueless, or appear to be, about many things. I need God's guidance. If I don't have it I am only going to mess something else up.
I've made a committment to purity and I have to continue to work at it. I've made specific committments within that and that's where my area of focus will stay until I am ready to branch out further into more areas of my life. It isn't easy. I don't know why I ever expected it to be. I just know that I have my work cut out for me but I am a hard worker so I HAVE to keep at it. I will choose to keep at it. There are reminders for me along the way, I just cannot allow myself to look over the reminders.

In the chaos
In confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment
Of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will

I have no idea what to say today.
It's been a nice day. Rainy, but nice. Relaxing. Enjoyable. A bit soothing even.
I work tomorrow so there's no telling what it will bring. I do know that I will drive a fire truck for the first time tomorrow and I'm a little nervous about it. I'm sure I'll so well because I catch on to things fairly quickly so it shouldn't be too bad :)

Sometimes silence is the best thing in the morning. It can give you more of a fresh start. A clean slate kind of thing. It really is nice.
........then you must get on with your day and with your life. It's all good though. It's going to be a wonderful day. No matter what...no matter who...no matter how, where and why...it will be good.

Oh and about the last post, I got my hug last night. I got the arms all around me like I wanted. Gosh it was nice. It was lovely. I couldn't have asked for anything more wonderful! Maybe that's why THIS day will be wonderful :)

Today would be a lovely day to be able to be wrapped up in someones arms with their loving touch. Just to have some genuine hugs and sincere love. It's like I feel empty when I can't be wrapped up in loving arms.
Meh

Everyone needs the opportunity to step away from their current situation and have some "self" time so they can look at everything going on and gain a new perspective on it all. I've done this quite a bit over the past 6 months but it isn't viewed as good by most. I will continue to do it because it helps me and clears my head, heart and soul. Somewhat of a restoration process that cannot fully do it's job in just one instance.
I know I don't want to be hopelessly lost in myself anymore but this is different. It's healthy. I've not always used it for good. I have actually taken full advantage of it on a few occassions and that's why it isn't viewed as good anymore but I am trying to make others view on it turn back to good. I need it. I need my time away. I need my time to think and my time to seek God and my time to just get away and have a good time not worrying about the things that tear me down. And all that is okay.

Be Strong

The wind blows
The child wakes
The years go
The heart breaks
The rains come, the castle falls
You lose hope
The soul cries
The fears grow
The time flies
Life goes on, but through it all

Be strong, don't be afraid
You're not alone in this world
Be strong, take courage and fly
'Cause now's the time to stand
Walk in the promised land of life
Be strong

A road ends
A dream dies
You breathe deep
And realize
To press on, you must believe
The Lord knows
The tears dry
You find hope
You live life
You look back, and finally see peace

Feel the wind blow on your face
Taste the victory of grace
Touch the joy of freedom
Knowing you have overcome...

Be strong, don't be afraid
You're not alone in this world
Be strong, take courage and fly
'Cause now's the time to stand
Walk in the promised land of life
Be strong

Oh now's the time to stand
Walk in the promised land of life
Be strong

Day 2

Day 2 did not start out well. It started with my mind in a whirlwind.

It got better for a few hours but then has gone straight to the pits.

I deserve everything this nasty world has to throw at me. EVERYTHING. Why? Because I've been nasty myself and I deserve every bit of it. Nothing less than being completely alone is what I deserve.

There is little patience from people towards me and little patience from me towards others. There are a very select few that this applies to but it's still a truth.

Oh to get away. To get away and have the people I WANT to surround myself with. That would be an ideal world. Sucks that this world isn't "ideal" with anything at all.

I have few words but many emotions pushed away. Tears are deep inside and they are easy covered up with one of two extremes. Either a happy smile that is mistaken for true OR anger that rages out when it won't stay in any longer.

There ARE true times of happiness but they are few and far between.

There is one that can get to me. Only one. I need that one.

Day 1 Complete

Day one is nearing its end. I think it's been a good day and it has gone well.

I need love. I want to give love. I want to live love. It's that simple.

Now putting the simplicity to the test is where the difficulty comes in.

I will continue to try. Not for my sake, but for others.

Example:

All she needed was to know someone knew what was going on and to know that someone was there for her (that was me). So I was there. The endless hug was just as well priceless. The warmth of arms tight around my middle, holding me as if they would never release. Nothing but love and beauty.

I just have to continue to live that love outloud and allow myself to become as selfless as I once was if not more. Hopefully more =)

No One Else Knows

The most true song I've heard in a long time to describe myself

My world is closing in

On the inside

But I’m not showing it

When all I am is crying out

I hold it in and fake a smile

Still I’m broken I’m broken

Only one can understand

And only one can hold the hand

Of the broken Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel

Your love for me is proven real

When no one else cares where I’ve been

You run to me with outstretched hands

And You hold me in your arms Again

I need no explanation of why me

I just need confirmation

Only You could understand the emptiness inside my head

I am falling I am falling

I’m falling down upon my knees

To find the one who gives me peace

I am flying Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel

Your love for me is proven real

When no one else cares where I’ve been

You run to me with outstretched hands

And You hold me in Your arms Again

I have come to you in search of faith

Cause I can’t see beyond this place

Oh You are God and I am man

So I’ll leave it in Your hands

Time to Begin

It's about time to have a new beginning. I need to start taking care of myself better. Too many times I have let things get to me that shouldn't. I finally have someone in my life who makes me think about what's best for me rather than what's best for everyone else. In order to take care of others, I really need to be able to take care of myself. That's where I must begin.

I need to fall in love with life all over again. I used to enjoy every second and offer myself endlessly to whoever needed whatever. Now I feel hopelessly lost in myself and it's time for change. I'm not a very big fan of change. But...when I find myself at 1230 a.m. laying in the floor in my bunk room with my feet up on my bed, staring at the ceiling just wondering what comes next and if I will feel this way much longer and if it's really worth it all...I know things need to change. It's time. A new beginning is in order.

Where is the best place to begin? Laying in my bunk room floor of course. I'm thinking that it would be even better to begin while laying on my face crying out to God, begging for His forgiveness once again. Yes, that's where to begin.

I'm glad He's bigger! I need Him.

I have others that He's blessed me with and I have to be sure that they know they are blessings to me :)

I need to learn to live, learn to live love, and learn to live love outloud. I've been there before but I've strayed off the path so bad.

My arms are stretched wide open, I'm getting ready to jump. I know God is out there and that's why my arms are stretched wide...so His can catch me as I fall into His grace.

Here I go. Ready to begin.